Being a mum can be full of challenges, there's no doubt about that. However in anything you read from me you will find me saying that it is never the events that cause us to feel stressed, it is how we think about those events that causes the stress. This blog is all about helping you to change the way you think about the challenges of motherhood as well as how you think about yourself and your life. It is my intention to offer you thought provoking blogs and ways that you can train your mind to look at life in an inspired, positive and realistic way so that you can feel great and experience an amazing life...and of course pass this way of thinking down to your child.
Please take 10 minutes out of your life and make it a priority to watch the following video clip of the most inspiring man I've seen and one that touches my life and reminds me to keep teaching people to love themselves. I want you to know just how powerful you all are, just by changing your perspective and retraining your mind to find the value in every experience in your life!
Take a moment to consider what he's been saying.
How much time have you spent thinking about and feeling down about all the things you've been missing out on, or feeling like your kids are missing out on something in their lives.
How often have you taken someone else's comments or judgements as truth and felt like you were a loser, or felt worth-less.
How many times have you felt like you don't matter to the world or that your small contribution doesn't make a difference to anyone.
What you do, just by being you, is you give "something that others cannot". Whatever you are doing in your life, you are valuable just because you contribute who you are to everyone around you. We all influence each other. Without all of us connecting with each other and living together, none of us grow, learn and achieve.
There is always something to be grateful about. There is always something to learn. There is always something that you give to someone else, just by being you.
If your life feels pointless or worth-less, than no one can change this for you. As Nick said, no one is going to be able to say to you it's going to be okay and you will believe them. No one has ever walked a step in your shoes and can say that they really know what you are going through.
The only way that you can move out of feeling worth-less and down about life, is to CHANGE YOUR PERSPECTIVE. Thinking is what makes you feel bad about yourself. Incorrect beliefs that have most often been set up in childhood cause you to view life in an incorrect way and the only way to change this, is to change those beliefs - retrain your mind to think differently.
This is my mission. I want to educate mums to be able to have a healthy self-worth and to love and accept themselves no matter what's happening in their life. Do you want to know why I want to teach mums this valuable information?
Not only so that you can experience a happier life, but so that you can teach your children to love themselves too. There are so many influences out there that cause our kids to think that achievements and social acceptance defines our worth if these beliefs are not changed, they will grow up to continually attaching their self worth to life going a certain way and we need to change this.
How else can we teach our kids to feel great about themselves, no matter what life throws at them, if we don't know this and practice it in our own lives. You cannot teach what you do not have. If you wish to teach self-worth to your children, you need to feel worthy yourself.
This is the smallest post I've ever written, because the answer is simple:
The best way to get your house cleaned, vacuumed and spot mopped in just 30minutes is.....
Get the landlord to ring and say she's coming over in half an hour!
See, as per the last blog, a clean house is not about time and all about priorities. Cleaning has suddenly become my priority because having somewhere to live is a priority over spending time with the kids, or doing work on the computer, or just about anything else at this point.
I must confess, my house is an absolute mess.....and often is. There are always clothes on the bathroom floor, dishes on the sink, cut up paper (ryan's obsession), toys , shoes and clothes all over the loungeroom floor, beds unmade and untidiness EVERYWHERE!
Sometimes it really does my head in and sometimes I decide to just stop looking. It's such a pointless exercise to be pedantic about it. I mean there are times at least once a fortnight where I will do a complete thorough clean of the house and feel satisfied and refreshed, but within hours its been messed up again.
As we speak my kids have all of my pots and pans laid out on the loungeroom floor and I've just finished asking Cody to take his shoes out of the frypan.
Don't get me wrong, dishes get done regularly and washing, well when we run out of clothes and have to do it - then they sit on the couch ready to be folded and put away, another 2 hour exercise for a day when I'm making cleaning a priority. So my house is hygienic.......enough, so I'm not talking health risk untidy, but let's just say that I would never let anyone come over and see my house in this condition and would be mortified if anyone just turned up at my house.
So my question is, do you think it is because I don't have time to clean up my house? I mean lately there has been so much work I've been doing to promote my book and still make time for hubby and the kids, that I have been time stretched, but is time actually the cause of my lack of housework?
The answer is no. Because time is NEVER about time. It's about priorities. We will always make time for something that we consider to be a priority. Whenever I hear somebody say "I don't have time", I always reframe that in my mind and say, 'no, you do have time, it's just not a priority for you'. Because this is true in every instance.
Especially as mums we are always having to weigh up lots of different demands and decide which ones take priority over the other. For example, 3 year old having a tantrum versus baby with stinky nappy to change and we'd likely choose to change the nappy first, stepping over the 3 year old wriggling around on the floor on the way. Our beliefs on what's important dictates what our order of priorites is and thus how we behave whether talking about housework, relationships, how we parent, or however we are behaving.
I make housework a priority when it starts to become too messy (health and hygiene is a big priority) or when someone comes to visit (because pride is a priority).
I had a friend say to me recently that I need a manager because of the publicity I'm starting to get. I disagree, I can handle the publicity, in fact I love the challenge of generating publicity, which heavily influences why work takes priority over housework at the moment. What I need is not a manager, but a house cleaner. someone who will come in daily and tidy up my house, mop the floors, do the dishes, washing etc etc.
But that is in the land of dreams right now. Evenetually I hope to have this but right now, I'm happy to just sit in my shit and be fairly relaxed about the housework. As long as we're all still healthy, there's absolutely no point being anal about my house....it just keps getting messy again.
So my message to all you mums out there is, if doing continual housework is doing your head in and causing you stress, then take a look at what you believe about needing to do the housework so often. Why is it such a concern if the house gets a little messy or dishes don't get done? What are you thinking that means about you? (eg I'm not a good housewife)? Also, why isn't your house as clean as you'd like it to be. Is it because you have other priorities? Do you need to change those priorities or is it just reality that other things sometimes have to take priority over a super clean house?
Once you've identified those beliefs, ask yourself, are these beliefs true? Has there ever been a case where these beliefs have been not been true (eg Do I value my friend any less for a messy house, yet a devalue myself for a messy house?).
This is the thinking shift that is required when we are feeling stressed by an event in our lives, because it will never be about the event, it will always be about what this event means about you (from your beliefs).
As housework can be a big bone of contention with mums, I thought I would add my views in here. It's not the be all and end all of life. If you do have a beautifully clean house most of the time and it doesn't cause you stress, then there's nothing to look at or change in your mindset, but if it does cause you stress than an adjustment in your beliefs is needed.
Today I was very excited to get my first article written about me in The Herald Sun. I mean my own article about The Happy Mum Handbook. Wow, what a buzz?
This, of course, meant a photographer needed to come to my house and take some snaps of me and my two boys, Cody and Ryan.
This was all very last minute, so after madly running around cleaning my disgustingly messy house (due to Ryan's creativity fedish with the scissors and any paper he can find) I turned my attention to how I looked.
Of course this opportunity came two days before my hair appointment to take care of my roots and when the boys are in desparate need of a haircut. However I persevered with my mop and did the best I could - with loads of hairspray to get it just right. (If the truth be told, I even practiced which side I would tilt my head to get the best shot, lol)
I had envisaged the photographer coming around with his camera, sitting us neatly on the couch, (hopefully avoiding the feral food stains all over it - maybe he could edit them out) taking a happy snap of the three of us and be out the door in a half hour tops.
The photographer arrives and informs us that this would take a while and require MANY different shots and promptly ushered us out to the back yard.
Well so much for my perfectly layered hair, because there I was laying on my back on the cold, damp grass with my two diva boys wriggling around - not co-operating.
"It's too bright." The sun's hurting my eyes" (sun in melbourne - yeah right!) "I don't want to do it" etc etc. And I thought I was the diva being worried about my hair.
We were running out of bribes....and fast. I could see that the photographer was starting to get a little antsy, with responses such as "you boys are disappointing me, I thought you were big boys". It was a feeble attempt to regain control, but it didn't work.
We bribed with chocolate, a special surpise, a trip to McDonalds (playground time included) and finally agreed on chocolate sundaes after dinner. That seemed to do the trick, but only if we agreed to take the photo inside.
But guess what.....photo didn't look good outside so it was back to the green, damp grass again, only this time, only Cody was on his side, I was on top and Ryan was on top of me.
This worked, now it was time for smiles and staying still (an almost impossible ask of poor energetic Ryan.) So how on earth did we manage to achieve this?
Sadly we resorted to "Daddy is a bumhead". "Daddy did a fooss (a fart for the uninitiated)" and "silly bums, silly bums".
Yes, I lowered my standards on teaching social etiquette to my kids so I could get a great photo to promote my book and make me and my kids look good. Is that child exploitation?
So now tell me, whose the diva, is it me who was more nervous about getting her photo taken than doing an interview with the actual journalist, or was it my kids who had to have just the right conditions and giving chocolate demands in order to get the job done?
Hopefully this was just our first initiation into the world of media, and hopefully the kids get better at it.....or McDonalds is going to see a dramatic increase in their profits.
Today I received my first digital copy of my book The Happy Mum Handbook. As I stared at the finished product that has just taken me the last 6 months (to produce), I started to become quite overwhelmed with what it really meant to me.
I remember two years ago now oh so clearly (and I tell you the story in the book) where I had yet another emotional meltdown which resulted in me throwing a very angry tantrum, crying and hating myself for behaving this way. After this meltdown I had an incredible epiphany and realisation that no one was going to be able to change the way that I felt about my life. No one could change how I experienced my life, only I could.
I decided that I needed to change things and began to search for help. As my dear mother has taught me, if you want to do something and don't know how, you must search for the answers. So I did, but I could find nothing.
That is when I decided that I would write it myself. Moments after falling apart I was consumed by a new sense of hope, a new sense of purpose and a vision to HELP OTHER MOTHERS!
For two years I have trained, researched and read whatever I could put my hands on to come up with the answers to, not only fix my own stress, but to convey a message to other mums about how to do the same, and now that I hold that message in my hands, it quite seriously, makes me want to cry.
Everytime I hear about a person who is suffereing, I think, 'I could help you. I have information that could change the way you see life'. It's not because I'm special. It's not because I'm smarter, better or happier than other people. It's simply because I have educated myself with an understanding on that area of my life. No different to a lawyer knowing the law, or a doctor knowing about medicine. I learnt from the best of the best. I studied what other happy people were doing and I started doing it.
From my own experiences, I tripped over an area of life where this information was not being delivered and now I am determined to fill the gap of information that is NOT being shared amongst mums. This determination comes from the fact that us mums are so powerful!
Every day you are a very important teacher in your child's life. Every day you are communicating lessons to your child that they will take out into their lives and that will effect everything that they experience.
If you have limitations that you live with, or have dreams that are left unfulfilled, or put other people before yourself all the time, then what do you think you are really teaching your children.
If you are handling life's challenges, whether in motherhood or not, with anger, blame, criticism, guilt, resentment or a feeling of worthlessness, then guess how you're teaching your child to experience life.
YOU ARE SUCH A POWERFUL HUMAN BEING TO THE EVOLVEMENT OF OUR FUTURE SOCIETY.
But rarely do we see ourselves this way, but you are. So now I ask you a question?
What do you want in your life, that you are not getting?
Think about this seriously for a moment.
If it's lots of things, write them down right now. Pick up a pen and a piece of paper and start writing a list of all the things that you want to experience in your life. Don't worry about the thoughts that tell you that you can't, just imagine that you have a fairy godmother that has come along and waved her magic wand to create your perfect existence. What would be in it?
When you have your list, now you need to prioritise it and figure out the first thing that you are going to go for and do something RIGHT NOW towards that goal. It all starts with where you put your attention and then you start to find opportunities to find out the 'how' of getting to your goal.
Think about all of the things around you write now - a desk, a telephone, the lights that are on in your home, the television set that may be blaring, the computer that you are looking at. These are all things that came from somebody's vision to get what they wanted!
How did they get it?
They put their attention on it, they tried and tried, they practiced and they learnt of other people who had tried before them. They succeeded through trial and error, commitment and DESIRE!
Every single person on this planet has been blessed with a mind capable of doing ANYTHING and YOU ARE NO EXCEPTION!
Two years ago I decided that I would write a manual to help mums deal with the everyday challenges of being a mum so that no one had to experience what I did. I now have the hard copy of that vision in my hands which I hope will facilitate my next vision - sharing this message with millions of mums everywhere. At the same time, my personal development and the effect it will have on my children has grown exponentially. I could not put a value on what this has given to me, my marriage and my kids.
This is what happens when we go for something new. You learn, you stretch yourself and you experience just how powerful you can be as a human being. Without even trying you will pass this courageousness and special qualities down to your children and they will benefit from your efforts.
How do I know this? Because this is what I have learnt from my incredible mother.
Your child can learn to give anything a go too. You just need to set the foundations up for them.
So go on, what is that you want to achieve and how are you going to start doing it today? No exceptions! You really are a powerful person.
PS I would love to hear what your dreams are so please write me your responses in the comments to this blog. Let's support each other to change and grow!
I sat on the floor of my walk-in cupboard with my head in my hands, hiding from my 4 year old son. The noise, the whinging, the tantruming had taken it's toll and I desparately needed to walk away before I lost the plot.
As I sat in my cupboard, I went through my usual routine of capturing the thoughts that are causing me anger. As I always say, it's never the event that causes stress (or in this case - anger) it is how I'm perceiving this event.
I've found them. The thoughts, that is. They go like this, "I have had enough of this whingeing. I'm sick of arguing every single time that I ask him to do something. I'm sick of having to fight with him to do it. I can't stand the noise. I'm gonna lose the plot in a minute. He's constantly being rude and it's so annoying. Why can't he just do as I ask him for once?" and on and on these thoughts go, swimming in my head like a goldfish in a fishbowl.
But none of these thoughts are useful. They are all in conflict with the reality that he is just going through a stage. Just like the 4 year olds of my 3 friends that I spoke to the other day. The reality is that he is trying out new behaviour to see what the results are.
So with that reality and having located the destructive thought causing my anger, I decide that I need a plan (this automatically ignites a shift in thinking). If this is the behaviour that is happening right now (reality) then I need a plan of attacking it so that the phase moves on quicker because I can teach him that this behaviour is not appropriate.
So the plan is - to reinforce the laundry time out. Every time he whinges, or is rude I will send him into the laundry for 4 minutes. I need to be consistent. I need to remember, that this is just a stage and I need to teach him how to move through it. That's the reality of this situation. Any thoughts to the contrary will only cause me stress.
After shifting my thoughts (which were really causing me the anger) and creating a plan, I have successfully moved myself to feeling differently about Ryan's tantrums and whingeing. I feel empowered, ready and determined rather than angry, ready to scream or lash out.
This change in thinking is what is needed in order to handle these challenges and this is exactly why I have taught you exactly how to change this thinking and accept the reality of the challenges of motherhood in my new book The Happy Mum Handbook. Free yourself from motherhood stress.
The information within this website and The Happy Mum Handbook available for purchase in the shopping cart, are designed to provide advice and suggestions on the subject matter covered from the perspective of a mother and life coach.In no way is it designed to be a substitute for psychological, financial, legal, or any other professional advice.If expert assistance or counselling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought.