It's been too long since my last post. For this I must apologise. There's been a whirlwind of stuff going on in my head and the battle between mindful mum and moody mum has been at its greatest, with moody mum often holding the upper hand.
Something is changing within me though and from the core of my insides, I can feel as if a new phase of learning is about to commence.
What has sparked all this commotion within myself is not because anything is going wrong, or because I'm a mum, but because I am living somewhere that challenges me.
You see I live in Melbourne, Victoria and I struggle with the cold. I don't just mean I dislike the cold, but I cannot function and think straight when I am cold. It's like when the outside is cold, I am cold within and I feel it intensely affect every aspect of my life. I was raised a Queenslander and anyone who knows me, knows that the last 2 years since our move to VIC, I have struggled adjusting to the erratic (and mostly cold) weather conditions that Victoria is well known for.
Why I agreed to move here is beyond me. However, I do not regret the move for it has brought me so many wonderful experiences and life-long friends, but I know it's time to move back. Thankfully my husband agrees. There's just one problem, the finances. We are unable to move until at least April, which has been doing my head in.
What I've found is that I am in a yo-yo of emotions and mental blowouts, all the while with mindful mum in the background trying desparately to upgrade all of my missing out thinking and how my life should be at another place than here.
I could feel myself, over the past few weeks sinking lower and lower, at times falling into a way too familiar place of depression that had insued 3 years before. Starting with the 'couldn't be bothered' talk, not wanting to go out and socialise because it's 'too cold', feeling lost, sad, lonely, isolated etc. The signs were there just begging me to fall into the complete consumption of this illness again.
Except something has been vastly different this time. It's like all this knowledge that I have gained and, ironically, what I teach, in The Happy Mum Handbook has been so ingrained into my brain now, that it is not allowing me to get sucked into full on depression like I had all those years ago when my children were just two and six months old.
Mindful mum is too strong now. She allows moody mum to take over for a while causing the sadness, the emotion and conflict with reality to consume me and then she steps in. "Enough is enough", she says, "You have to start looking at the bigger picture". "This event is just a part of your life and it's here to teach you something. All of these times you experience as being bad, wrong and causing your misery are the times where you need to pay attention and look for the learning."
This kind of thinking has been going on for a while now, this getting sucked into the emotions of life not going to plan and then feeling okay again after getting 'a talking to' by mindful mum, however yesterday was when I hit a brick wall and I hit what I call 'another rock bottom' although no where near as spectacularly as three years ago. Once again, the knowledge I gained after my first breakdown are never very far from my mind.
Nonetheless, yesterday I was an emotional wreck. My throat was in enormous pain trying to swallow the intense emotions I was feeling not being able to move, being cold in October (a time when QLD has gorgeously warm whether) and feeling completely helpless about being able to do anything about my situation.
By the afternoon, however, there was a shift within my mindset. Always being a believer of angels and spiritual guidance I almost begged for help, for someone to help me to stop feeling like this and for me to be able to pull myself out from this hole that I felt like I was creeping back into.
Soon after, I felt the fog starting to clear. I knew what was going to happen. I suddenly knew why I needed to go through this emotional experience right now.
It was time. I had spent the last three years learning and applying the foundation for changing my life and teaching it to others in its simplest terms. I could very freely coach any person on how to make the fundamental changes to their lives that would ensue happiness and it had completely changed my own existence, over and over and over again.
But now, there needed to be more. I had always felt that there was more to what I was teaching, that although it was transforming to say the least and there was enormous intellectual value and growth in the lessons within The Happy Mum Handbook, which has served to help so many mums out there, I suddenly knew with every core of my being that it was time to go deeper. To send myself and the people who follow me on a more intense search within, not just into our minds, but into our hearts and our souls in order to unleash a more long-term peace and happiness.
For those who have read The Happy Mum Handbook, you may understand what I mean and be willing to move on with me, but those who have not, may need to first learn the lessons taught in this book to receive that foundation of learning that will serve to propel ourselves to an even deeper level of happiness.
My current opinion is this, The Happy Mum Handbook will take you from intense stress, depression or anxiety and propel you to an okayness. Initially getting to this okayness is going to feel fabulous. You are going to finally understand the thinking and the mindset that lies behind your stress and you are going to know exactly how to stop yourself from going back into the depths of stress or depression that you had once experienced. Because you had felt so bad before, this new feeling will be amazine and, like me, the effects will probably last for years as you may go back over the book during this time and apply its very valuable methods for change.
But then, it will be time to go deeper. Nothing ever stays the same. We are always growing and learning and changing. This is where I'm at. It's time to take it to another level, only this time, I hope to be taking many others along this journey with me and I intend to write about it as I go (another book perhaps?).
The knowingness I feel right now is so strong, it makes me emotional just thinking about it. Something has happened to me. A profound shift is taking place within me. After meditating last night the words 'a paradigm shift' came very clearly into my mind. Make of that what you will, but I know what that means to me and all will be revealed as it becomes even clearer to me what I need to do next.
The synchronicity of what has already been occurring in the last 24-48 hours is profound and I cannot wait to take you all along this ride into understanding this incredible life that we lead.
Mindful mum has taken over, it's time to deepen my journey towards happiness. I have reconnected with that excitement and enthusiasm that I felt at the inception of The Happy Mum Handbook, only this time, I know that it's going to be even more profound and like nothing I've ever experienced before.