Controlling your child’s behaviour seems to be the common advice given to prevent motherhood stress. How to get your child to sleep, how to avoid tantrums, handling attitude, getting your child to co-operate and do as you say are all answers given to alleviate motherhood stress.
While advice such as this is incredibly helpful in handling the challenges of positive parenting, how helpful is it for handling your stress as a mum? It probably works really well while your child is complying with what you want, but what about when you hit the next developmental stage, doesn’t your stress often return again?
This is because we believe that our child’s behaviour is the cause of our stress – that is the event (my child having a tantrum or not sleeping) is the cause of my stress. But if this is the case, then wouldn’t all parents feel stressed every time they experienced these behavioural challenges?
However, we know that this isn’t the case. We all know of a mum who seems to cruise through motherhood, rarely getting stressed and seemingly born to do this role with ease. If it is the event that causes stress, then why does it not seem to effect this mother like it does me? Is it because she’s a better mother than me?
The answer is – No! It’s because of how she thinks about motherhood.
Our thinking comes from the beliefs we have about life, about motherhood and about ourselves. So as we go through our day to day lives our beliefs get activated by what we are viewing and experiencing. So when your child is not behaving in alignment with how you believe they should be, there is a whole story playing out in your mind about what you think about their behaviour.
This thinking is what causes you to feel stressed and it plays out whenever we are experiencing life not going the way we’d like it to.
So how can you be happy?
By changing the way you think about motherhood and life events in general. The reality is that we will always experiences challenges throughout our lives. This is the reality of parenting and is the reality in general. There will often be times in our lives where life does not go to plan but there are things that you can do to help maintain a positive parenting attitude.
By changing the way we think about this reality, you will begin to feel more accepting of these challenging times and they won’t become stressful anymore, hence making you happier. Postive parenting comes by understanding yourself as well as understanding your kids.
We will always have goals and we’ll always want to experience things that make us feel the emotion of happiness, but we must also understand the reality that sometimes we won’t always feel the specific elation that we feel when we are happy, because life doesn’t always go to plan. However we can release the stress in our lives by learning to look at our challenges from a different perspective.
And that’s what the Mind TRACK to Happiness Process will teach you in The Happy Mum Handbook. You will learn to re-train your mind to look at the challenges of parenting differently, release the stress that you may feel about motherhood and form a positive parenting attitude.
Changing the way you think about your life (and motherhood) as well as accepting and embracing the challenges of positive parenting will make you feel happier and more relaxed about all of your experiences, without necessarily having life go to plan.